June 2012
1 post
Effort
I’m starting to get tired of trying the hardest to make something work.
March 2012
3 posts
What I could of had...
I just came across my old applications to Elon University, Johnson & Wales University, and Chestnut Hill College. I remember getting these I think my junior or senior year. It all reminds me of what I could of had if I had just applied myself more to school. I’m now stuck at a tech school and I’m 22 turning 23 this coming august. I really fucked up a lot of chances for myself. I...
Well...
Things are going to be really different soon.
Yesterday
I really enjoyed it. I know what I need and want.
February 2012
4 posts
Past and future
Yes, I did this to myself and I will continue to beat myself up every now and then because of it. Only moving past it can change the way I feel and think about myself.
All that work...
I was told 4 and not 3pm for my test. So what do I do, I show up at 4 nervous and ready to go only to find out this. All my hard work and plans this week especially tomarrow ruined. I feel like I let 3 people down. I’m sorry Mr. Ryan, I’m sorry Catherine, and I’m sorry to myself. My only worry is that I would develop the feeling to not want to drive at all after this. At least I...
God
I have tried really hard not to involve you in anything I do but I ask a favor this week. I ask that all goes well at the DMV for me and Tuesday goes according to my plans.
This next month should decide how I feel about this world and wether I should continue life here.
January 2012
7 posts
Great, just great...
All I needed was more fucking complications…
Ones self composure
Self admittance, embarrassing confessions, uncharted thoughts, facing the truths of reality shattering your hopes, dreams, fantasies, your own little world and rules broken. If you can maintain your composure, remain level headed, and not let those things control your every move then you deserve my 100% respect.
Winter
The worst experience this season is sitting on a freezing cold toilet seat…
I think I’m not going to survive this. I’m close to giving up.
I haven’t felt this much chaos in my mind and body. It’s only clear and calm when I’m with her.
This one...
I feel different towards this girl. I really like this one. I can’t seem to stop thinking about her, it’s insanity almost. I don’t know if I fully trust myself again though. I can’t be like her though. I have to be myself. I really like this one…
The truth...
I think I deserve it…
December 2011
12 posts
I have missed this side of myself
Christmas
When you tell your child to make a Christmas list it’s practically promising them something. Don’t ask me to do it again.
There was distilled comfort there. I don’t think I could handle a lot of it though.
Madness...
Only you can save me from this swirling tornado of madness inside my mind. Its not who you think it is. Its someone more closer to me than anyone else including my mother. I only hope they wont destroy me and force my hand into leaving this world.
I kind of sorta want you…
lilbrowndog9:
I always think people will think I’m weird, but then I stop caring.
A part of me still wonders….why couldn’t it have been with me…why..
Realization...
I really really really really really want to write something about what has been making me into a bad mood this past week but what I just read just put a blanket on that flame and all that is left is just smoke and im trying not to choke on it. Some alone time is in need. Only that person who know’s me better than myself can put me in check. Damn I forgot how much I actully need you as a...
Past
Tieing up my past connections. Maybe there is a point yet to be made…
Playlist
I bet you haven’t even finished looking through the playlist I made you…
Time...
I have given you enough of my time, im tired of giving you my time. Time to move on to friends who will act like my friends
My self...
I like that I can openly and freely express my emotions without a change in character or forcing myself to do so. Sometimes though I just want to hide it away in a shell, not expressing any of it unless someone makes the effort to want to get to know me. I have never had anyone who was curios about me. If they where they didn’t express it much….
Never thought...
that there will be a force strong enough to make me want to stay here again…
So...this girl that I kind of like...
Damn it Mark…here you go again….but I really like her…your too shy to even talk to her….i can work on it…ugh….*face palm*
November 2011
47 posts
Actions speak louder than words but you do neither one of them…oh and admitting something is good but doing nothing about what’s going on doesn’t change a thing.
Being wrong...
Am I wrong for the way I feel and think about things? Am I wrong for venting instead of keeping it in and tearing me apart from the inside? Just tell me, am I wrong?
I wont be taken for granted again. I’m tired of how these new generations treat each other. What happened to putting your all into everything? What happened to really trying hard, not lying, giving a fuck. I’m tired of the lack of respect from everyone. I’m tired of this male female dominance. Get the hell over your selves. There is more to life than cocks and pussy or tits and...
Next year....
I won’t be here
I wont be completely over you for some time…a while….
I’m tired of giving.
I want it so badly. I know you know it’s a bad idea but how many times have we done something that was a bad idea? Please?
I’m not someone you save for last. I’ll be gone before you know it.
Thought this was interesting....
Dismissive–avoidant attachment
People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: “I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.” People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence....
Please...
Take this feeling away, I miss the real thing…
Had to be done, sorry
Didnt you enjoy talking tonight?
The past...
Is the past. You look back, wish for a few things. You look to the future for a change in what the past has made you. Your present is what you choose to try to change you at this moment. I could play Goodbye Romance by Ozzy Osbourne as my suicide song to my dealings with relationships. In fact I have listened to it numerous times. I guess I’m drawn to songs about endings and maybe my ending...
Great...
I’m fucked. How could I get myself into this situation…
I haven’t seen this much sunshine in a week
Hate
I am starting to hate relationships…and these past couple of days have been depressing. When am I ever going to get over this slump…
How can I be such an idiot? An Appology
How can I rub it in like that? I guess I am stll bruised from the past. I’m not physically strong right now which means everything is hitting me a little harder than normal. I feel lonely, I feel sad. Someone talk to me. I feel like crying right now. I hope I can make it through work this week. Lauren, I am sorry. You didn’t deserve what I said. I even tried to delete it because it was...
If only....
I could appologize. But so many words have been said. I dont even know if words or actions can be as applogetic as they need to be. Yes, I am sorry my friend. I am sorry for speaking my mind. I am sorry for being myself. You probably wont accept my appology or will ever talk to me again. I can atleast say I tried to tend to the wounds.
And
I never said I hated everything about our relationship…
Only you
Only you would think my emotions would be a problem. Your the reason its hard for me to freely show them in the first place. So blame your self on my emotional “problems”. If you havent noticed, im not the one who is having problems sleeping or with past ex’s who mean nothing in my life anymore and who have only caused stress for myself. Your the problematic one.
I don't know...
I don’t know what to write or what to complain about. Things with Tiffany are going great so far. Everything else is awesome. I get to go to the dag battle tomarrow out of state and that im sure will be fun and very exciting.
